


xoxo

by tentaclemonster



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M, Sibling Incest, Unrequited Love, unrequited sexual attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:09:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29667783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentaclemonster/pseuds/tentaclemonster
Summary: Dick doesn’t even consider that Damian might get the wrong idea from how affectionate they are together – not until Damian kisses him, at least.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Damian Wayne
Kudos: 49





	xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> The Dubious Consent tag refers to Dick consenting to a relationship with Damian that he doesn’t actually want and secretly finds revolting because he can’t bear to reject Damian. This can also be seen as dubcon from Damian’s end as well as Damian genuinely believes that Dick shares his feelings and at no point does he realize the truth.

Dick doesn’t mind affection. 

He’s always been a tactile person, ever since he was a child. His parents raised him with all the love they could spare and then some. Physical expression of that love came naturally to all of them, so common that Dick grew to expect it, needing touch the same way he needed food and water. Not as a luxury but as a basic necessity he needed to live. His parents were happy to give that to him, generous with hugs and kisses and kindness. They never minded if he wanted to hold their hand or press himself to their sides. It was normal. Encouraged. There was never a day that went by when Dick wasn’t shown just how loved he was in gestures if not in words.

After his parents died, Dick didn’t lack for much in that regard. Bruce wasn’t as physically affectionate as the Graysons had been and certainly not as verbal about it, but he wasn’t cold. He and Dick shared a bed at night. He’d clasp his hand on Dick’s shoulder or touch him lightly on the arm when they spoke. The occasional hug wasn’t atypical. There were a few times Bruce had drawn him close and pressed a kiss into his hair. It wasn’t the bear hugs that Dick’s father gave him or the big kisses his mother would press to his cheek with enough strength to make him stumble, but it was still good. It was still enough.

Years later, when it’s Dick wearing the Batsuit and Damian wearing the mantle of Robin, it feels only natural to replicate that. To give to Damian what his parents and Bruce had given to him and perhaps more importantly, to give to Damian what Bruce wasn’t there to give to Damian himself. Dick doesn’t need Damian to tell him that his childhood had been nothing like Dick’s own to understand that physical affection was foreign to him. It’s obvious every time Dick puts his hand on Damian’s shoulder and can feel Damian go tense, how his default response to being hugged is to react like he’s being attacked.

But slowly, Damian becomes used to it. He stops going tense when Dick touches him. He starts hugging Dick back. Eventually, he starts initiating affection himself. A hand on Dick’s wrist, the touch so light it feels like a butterfly has landed on his skin. Sitting close to Dick when they watch a movie, letting the back of his head rest against Dick’s arm that’s slung over the back of the couch. The first night he comes to Dick’s room and awkwardly but firmly insists that he sleep there with Dick because he can hear Alfred snoring through the walls and – “It’s insufferable, Grayson! I will not be made to live like this.” – Dick feels warmth blossom in his chest. He doesn’t tease Damian that Alfred’s room is nowhere near Damian’s and Dick knows that Alfred doesn’t snore besides, but just smiles and pulls back the covers. Lets Damian shuffle into bed and curl up close next to him. Holds back a laugh at the obvious flush on Damian’s face.

It’s all normal to Dick that this is what families do, that this is how they behave and show each other they care. It’s so normal to him that he forgets that it’s not normal for Damian. 

Dick doesn’t realize that Damian doesn’t know there are lines that family members aren’t supposed to cross. That there are some kinds of affection that family members aren’t supposed to share. That there are boundaries. Dick doesn’t even consider that Damian might get the wrong idea from how affectionate they are together – not until Damian kisses him, at least.

It isn’t a familial kiss. 

It’s not the kind of kiss a parent gives their child on the forehead or that siblings might press to the sides of each others’ face. Not even the kind of kiss you might give to a friend in greeting, a quick peck on the cheek to accompany a hug. It’s the sort of kiss you give to someone you love. Not as family or friends, but as someone you want to become more with. The kind of kiss you give a lover before you have the right to call them by that name.

It takes Dick completely by surprise when it happens.

He tells himself he couldn’t have expected it, couldn’t have predicted it, couldn’t have stopped it – but later he agonizes over whether he could have, after all. Whether there was some point where it was obvious how Damian felt about him and he had been negligent not to notice, whether there was a point where he could have told Damian no, told him that they were brothers, that Dick was his guardian, that there couldn’t be anything more than that in a way that spared Damian any hurt.

Later Dick will rack his brain trying to figure out when exactly everything went so wrong until his head is pounding and the nausea is threatening to overwhelm him. He never comes up with an answer that satisfies him. Not really. No matter how hard he tries, Dick can’t make himself regret showing Damian his love the same way his parents and Bruce had done for him. He can’t make himself believe that doing that was wrong or that he could make himself be cold towards Damian even if he had a time machine that would let him go back and change everything. Even knowing how it turned out.

But certainly whenever the point he’d fucked up was, it was before the kiss – this Dick knows. 

That night where they’d gone to bed together the same as always. Dick laying on his back, tired and drifting. Damian curling into his side squirming when usually all it took was getting into bed for him to go still. Then suddenly the squirming stops and Damian is shifting above him, getting fully on top of him. Dick blinks his eyes open to see what’s going on and even as Damian’s face leans down to his, he still doesn’t know what’s about to happen.

The first press of Damian’s lips to his is feather soft, closed mouthed. A barely there touch. It lasts only a second before Damian pulls back and Dick is blinking up at him, the surprise pulling him fully awake and the first stirring of alarm in his chest coming alive just as Damian leans down to kiss him again. The second kiss is more firm. Damian opens his mouth and Dick feels his small tongue against his still closed lips and he knows if he weren’t already laying flat on his back, the shock would have knocked him over.

The revulsion follows the shock. The feeling of something being horribly, terribly wrong and needing to get away from it. 

Dick’s first instinct is to push Damian off of him. He gets as far as putting his hands on Damian’s hips before Damian pulls back again and Dick actually looks at him – 

And all thoughts of throwing Damian off disappear just like that. 

It’s the vulnerability that gets Dick, that has him going still. The way Damian looks down at Dick like Dick has the power to destroy him with just a word. His skin is flushed, his eyes wide. He has a brave face on, a determined look like he doesn’t care at all how Dick reacts or what he has to say about what Damian had just done, but the facade is brittle. Even if Dick couldn’t see the fragility in Damian’s expression, he can still feel how Damian is trembling on top of him.

Dick knows that if he rejects Damian now, nothing will ever be the same. Damian will never forget it. He’ll never forgive Dick for it. Dick will just be another person who has hurt him and Dick – 

Dick can’t bear that. He can’t live with it. 

And so Dick smiles up at Damian even though smiling is the last thing he feels like doing. One of his hands leaves Damian’s hips and runs up his back. Dick means it to be a comforting gesture. To assure Damian that he isn’t mad. He doesn’t even consider that Damian might interpret it differently, doesn’t understand that the sudden relief that comes over Damian’s face isn’t because he knows Dick isn’t angry but because he thinks Dick wants him the way Damian obviously wants Dick.

It becomes readily apparent when Damian leans back down to kiss him again, though. 

Dick’s hand flexes on Damian’s back and his skin crawls. He feels sick, but he opens his mouth anyway. Guilt churns in his stomach, but he kisses Damian back. He controls the kiss, keeping it as slow and chaste as he can, but Damian is young. Curious. When his tongue slips into Dick’s mouth, exploring, Dick shudders against the bed and lets him. Dick tries to pretend that he’s kissing someone else, but Damian is too small to ever mistake for an adult, so he mostly just drifts in his head. He feels the motions of the kiss like he’s in a boat rocking along the water. He doesn’t think of what he’s doing or who he’s with or how wrong it is. He can’t. 

Eventually, Damian pulls back. His face is redder than ever and the vulnerability is still there, Damian more of an open book than he’s ever been. They’re both panting and Dick feels something hard digging into his stomach that he realizes a beat too late is Damian’s cock. The realization is uncomfortable, repellent. Dick’s hand moves up and down Damian’s back as much to comfort him as it is to comfort Damian at this point, the feel of Damian’s spine against his fingers a distraction from reality. 

“Richard, I –“ Damian starts, but Dick interrupts him. 

“Hey –“ 

Dick can’t hear anything Damian has to say. Can’t hear Damian confess his feelings for him. He doesn’t know what to say to Damian that won’t hurt him, how to lie and make Damian believe that Dick feels the same to spare Damian from that pain.

“It’s alright,” Dick tells him. His hand moves up and down, his fingers counting the bumps of Damian’s spine. Up and down, up and down, up and – “I love you, Damian. It’s alright.”

And it’s true, Dick thinks, as Damian leans back down to kiss him again and Dick forces himself to kiss him back. Dick does love him. 

He would never be willing to do this for Damian if he didn’t.


End file.
